Boundaries in my way.


I should be happy that I am alive and have somewhere to live, a bed to tumble into when night comes and roof over my head, food on the table. But sometimes life feels unjust to one another when an illness makes life to a minor hell. I feel trapped in my body with the entire ache and all boundaries that has shaped my organs over the past years.

Hip joint arthritis seem rather unknown to people and when I describe the facts to others, they stare at me and often say that they had no idea about it. As for me I really didn’t know very much about it either. It was just something that caught elderly people and little did I know that you could inherit it from relatives. I got it from my father’s side and I do not know how many in his ancestry that was affected by this illness. Before I did my hip joint operation the pain was countless. And I had the pains all day long, in the end I could not walk, and to run for the bus was nothing to think about.

It all made me very depressed, in some way I felt unworthy, useless, life had turned out to be very restricted. There was little I could do. I felt like a large lump with no possibilities to move at all. I gigantic lump whose only way to move around was to limp around with a stick. I thought for one moment that my behind should be forever shaped as flat form after all the hours of sitting in different chairs. Yes, flat and square, and with no signs of a muscular surface. I really got terrified by all these facts about my condition. My own home felt like my prison.

Today, after the operation I can move a little bit better and I do not feel so trapped into my way of living; I can walk outside and walk shorter distances. I feel lucky for this. Really lucky!


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